Poker....it's a son of a bitch!

So I've tried to make an effort to find more time to play poker here in the past week and I've actually gotten to play everyday! Now that should be a good thing...right? Well in this limited time I think I'm leaning towards a losing mentality that I need to stray myself from. Knowing that when I actually get to sit down and play could be the only session I get for the next few days or even weeks makes me want to up the stakes and win it all right then and there.

This is poker 101 and I should know better than this. Sitting with at that time a 3K bankroll I thought I could play the $109's and multitable 1$/2$ NL. What in the hell was I thinking? I know these stakes are quite a bit over my head and that I don't have the proper BR to sustain the losses if they do in fact occur. Well they did occur with a nice slap in the face, and you know, I'm glad that I lost what I did. It takes punches in the gut like this for a poker player to realize what really is at stake here...loads of cash! Just to get it out of the way, I lost a third of my BR in an hour playing heads up and 6-max 1$/2$ NL.

Here is my take on the situation revolving around realizing what is at stake when you come to the table each and every day. It's really hard at times to grasp what you are really striving for when it's only numerical values that fluctuate when you win or lose. When I say numerical values, I mean the dollar value in your "cashier". Only being able to click a button and look at a number after winning a tourney or having a great cash game session isn't enough sometimes. If you received checks weekly from your poker site that would be one thing, but it doesn't work that way. When it's you who has to have the will to withdrawal the money instead of gambling with it, it really becomes a test of self discipline.

Getting back to where I was going with this.....I have to constantly remind myself where I started and how far I have come in poker to not let downswings like this bother me. Knowing that currently I'm a winning poker player makes me secure with the choices I make and the way I play. Yes downswings are brutal and take the breath right out of you, but it's how you bounce back from these pitfalls that make you the poker player you really are.

Remember what you are really playing for. Reward yourself when you win with something nice....I've found this to make the loses sting a little less. If you are a constant BR Nazi then what is it all for? Sure winning loads of cash is nice, but having something to show for winning is what its really about. And above all have fun when you are playing and let your talents dictate your moves. Don't get wrapped up in the monetary values or you will turn gray way too soon.